When the Holidays Are Not So Merry

​The holiday season is upon us once again. While others are hanging lights, baking Christmas cookies, and getting excited about the season, you may not be feeling as sparkly about the holidays. All of the cheer and merriment of the holidays can shine a bright light on whatever issue you might be facing—a loss of a loved one, the loss of a pet, a year that didn’t go as planned, a relationship ending, or a personal challenge—and you’d rather stay under the covers and wake up when it’s January.

​It’s tough to be down in the dumps or going through a tough time when reminders of Christmas are all around you. Going into hibernation til January isn’t practical (or healthy), so I put together some practices for you to utilize through December and the winter season.  These are suggestions, do what serves you and brings you the most comfort and joy. 

1)  Connect with others
When you are faced with an obstacle, it’s your support system that matters most. Lean on family and friends. Reach out. Talk to them. Our relationships make us feel like we are all in this together. Your relationships contribute greatly to your overall well-being. Let others lift you up. Even better? Grab a friend and take a walk or go to a group fitness class. Moving your body and connecting with friends are two ways to greatly enhance your overall well-being. I love my run club and yoga classes for this! 

2) Scan for the things you like
Maybe you aren’t going through a loss or a specific problem right now, you just don’t like the holidays because you don’t like where your life is at right now. For me I don't love the cold and dark evenings. Remember, your life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to enjoy it. Is there anything you like about this time of year? You don’t have to put your happiness on hold just because you have some personal goals still in progress.

3) Pay Tribute
If you are experiencing a loss that has you feeling sad, an idea is to use your emotions to pay tribute. For example, if you lost someone special this year, you can do this by working on a photo album, writing a personal tribute, or sharing stories and memories of the person you lost. If your loss is a relationship ending (divorce or a break-up)you can switch the focus and pay tribute to your own life. What are some things you could do for just you that would restore your spirit? If it’s a beloved pet that you lost, you can pay tribute and donate some of your time to the local animal shelter or create a positive memory by framing a picture of your cherished pet. Take some small steps that create a feeling of comfort in you.

4) Gratitude
Whether times are great or times are tough, gratitude is an instant mood lifter. Notice what’s going right. Even if you are going through a difficult personal challenge, there is always something to be grateful for in your life. Think of three things when you wake up in the morning or make a list of all the things you are grateful for when your day ends. You will be reminding yourself to pay attention to and spend some time with the positive. I just started a gratitude jar in which I write what I am grateful for that day and put in a jar. I will read a year from now or when I need a reminder.

5) Do something kind for someone else
The best way to get out of your own head—especially when it’s a painful or sorrowful place to be—is to redirect your focus to someone else. Giving back to someone else is not only kind, it’s a great way to feel better about yourself.

6) Create your own traditions
If people or circumstances in your life have changed to where you can’t have the same holiday that you like to have, simply start new traditions. It might be hard to do things differently if you liked how things used to be, but you have the power to create new traditions to cherish. Start with these questions: 1. What do you want your holiday to be like this year? 2. How can you make that happen?

7) Find some laughter and humor
I love the feeling of laughing so hard you get tears in my eyes? Sit down with your super hilarious friend, or watch a funny movie. Whatever makes you laugh, immerse yourself in it for a little levity and an escape from what’s weighing you down. Laughter really is one of the best medicine.

​December might be painful for you because of what you are going through, give yourself lots self-compassion and kindness. I hope you can discover some magical moments of joy this holiday season.

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