Several months ago I went to see a speaker talked about his experiences rock climbing, hiking and kayaking fierce rapids…this man is blind. He was a total inspiration sharing his story about living his life with out barriers. We all can create self-imposed barriers- Am I strong enough? Can I do this, Am I worthy? All the fears of what may happen or not happen. I know many of you view me as the strong woman who tackles mountains and loves adventure, and sure, this is true! Yet let’s not forget, I am also human. I have had my own fears and doubts too. I have faced also faced these barrier when I am doing something big, and although I don’t allow them to stop me, I realized there was still a little more to look at. I knew that I was ready to let go of the remainder of stuff that was holding me back. The questions, barriers, beliefs, and fears keeping me from what I truly, deeply desired in life. So I chipped away these remaining beliefs and barriers – providing space to level up in life! To put into ACTION my next level of goals, passions, and purpose. I got clear on what was holding me back and no longer served me and I then I got complete with it. Changing those thoughts, choices, and decisions in life has opened up a new path. From standing in my power during speaking engagements, saying no to where I once said yes, and saying yes to where I once said no. I have taken vulnerability and openness to a whole new level. I have been stepping over those obstacles and leveling up as a result! And let me tell you, it has been beautiful and freeing! I’m not done either. Sure, people may view me differently. Some for the better, some not. But guess what? LIFE is about how you view YOURSELF. Every day. I am the mirror image of me. No one else. And so my practice suggestion to you is this: Find yourself a piece of paper, write out all of your limiting beliefs and barriers. Jot down those stories you have created, the thoughts that no longer serve you. Be real with what you have told yourself all of these years! There is no shame in honesty. Now, imagine for a moment YOUR LIFE without barriers. Without strings attaching you to those thoughts, limiting beliefs, and recurring stories holding you back. Write that down and save it in a place you can see it. This week, I encourage you to slowly chip away and release those barriers and patterns. One by one, with every step forward. Create that path to what YOU most desire and are passionate about in life! YOU GET TO BE YOUR GREATEST SUCCESS STORY. We are all human. We are all learning, healing, overcoming, and taking this journey one step at a time. This world needs you – to be your greatest success story. Are you ready? I AM. Let’s do this, together. If you need support, reach out! PS: Photo taken backpacking Peru at approx. 16,000 elevation!
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The Life Coaching business has grown tremendously over the years and not every coach is created equal. There are general life coaches, career coaches, health and nutrition, divorce coaching and the list goes on. Coaching is an incredible structure designed to support individuals to make shifts in their life to create the life they want for themselves by design, not by default. A Life Coach can support you to move from your perceived limitations, fears and any other obstacles, so that you may achieve the life they always wanted. Life Coaching creates a bridge connecting and individual not only to their desired life, but also to the outside world. It enables them to tap into their gifts, talents and passions and take them out into the world. In turn, it will also connect the world to them. When they take care of themselves, they have more to give to others. When choosing a Life Coach there are certain qualities you want to look for. Keep in mind that there is no actual licensing for Life Coaching. Anyone can say they are a coach. There are hundreds of coaching certification programs and courses, each with different methods, techniques and philosophies. A Life Coach with many certifications may not have the ability to listen well or have natural people skills, while another with no formal certification may have extraordinary listening skills, insight and wisdom, however not the necessary training and it can be detrimental when practicing out of their scope of expertise. When choosing a Life Coach, I invite you to you to ask the following questions. 1) What is their training background, certifications and experience? Not every training course is created equal either. There are courses to get certified in a weekend for $25, or one year rigorous certification training such as the one I chose. The International Coach Federation is a governing body for accreditation of training programs. Ask the coach about their training, if it was an ICF accredited course and how many hours their training was. Note: ICF lists all credited schools on their website. Ask them about their certifications-there are 3 levels of certifications- ACC, PCC, and MCC. Ask them how long they have been practicing and what their experience is as well what area they specialize in. Coaching is an investment and we are working with humans, it can be quite unsafe to work with someone who is not properly trained. Someone’s training also demonstrates their level of commitment to the field and their profession. For my therapy license, I earned a Master’s degree and I was required to have 2000 supervised hours and 2 years experience. I’ve been in the field working with clients for 20 years. I still received proper training in coaching and became certified through my program and the ICF. I also was required to submit several recorded sessions(with permission) to be reviewed for competency. The feedback was essential to the work I do. 2) Did you feel heard and listened to? A Life Coach has a natural ability to listen. It is powerful for clients, the ones who are truly heard and allowed to express themselves fully, to have someone who listens to them. Assisting others in having a beautiful life involves more listening than advising. When someone is listened to with full focus on what they have to say, they create their own solutions, arrive at their own decisions, and discover options they did not see before. When they talk things out in a safe space, with another human being who has no agenda or preconceived notion of who they are or should be, it brings light and fresh air into their soul, opening the door to a life filled with new possibility. As a Coach, I have a personal ritual that I do prior to my coaching session to clear my head, so that I am fully present for my client. Listening is not passive, it is focused. A Life Coach has to listen for the subtle statements and words that give them hints leading to a client’s fears, dreams and passions. They must also tap into their own intuition. To do this a Life Coach must be fully present. 3) Do you feel comfortable with them to be honest and open? Good rapport is extremely important as you are sharing personal details of your life and building trust. It is so important to feel comfortable with the coach as every coach has their own personal style and flair. Most coaches offer a complimentary session or discovery session so you can get a feel for their personality and style. 4) Do they seem passionate and interested in their work? Life Coaching is not just a regular job, its an extraordinary opportunity to support individuals reinvent areas of their life. It’s a gift and an honor be trusted so deeply. For me it’s more of a calling, way more than something I just do for work. If a coach is passionate about their work, they are better equipped to support you in following your own passions. 5) Is your coach willing to call you out on your own bullshit? Coaching isn’t supposed to be necessarily comfortable. You may feel confronted with your stuff. When we are moving beyond our comfort zones, we can have automatic ways we go to in order to resist the change and stay safe. A good coach will reflect to you when they see your patterns surfacing and support you in moving forward. 6) Do you feel they have your best interests at heart without any hidden agenda? A Life Coach should be listening to you and guiding you, not telling you what to do. At times they may share with you, ask you questions, create scenarios or even make suggestions(if you are open to suggestions), but they never tell you what to do. They are not consultants, nor are they therapists. Remember, you get to choose what is best for you and your own path. I brought home a new puppy in July and training started from the beginning. House training started immediately; I started a puppy training class in October and we have homework each week to practice all the new commands. We are encouraged to train our dogs an hour a day, broken up into different time frames. I have stuck with it and Ellie is able to to do several commands! While Ellie is pretty smart( I may be biased!), the more consistent I am with her in training, the more she is with remembering and learning what I am asking of her! Like anything we are creating in life, our consistency is super important. Whether it’s your health and fitness, with your current job, building a new business, maintaining a business, relationships, child rearing or puppy training. I know for me, the more consistent I am with what I am creating or working on, the better results I have. It is the strategy for achieving long-term greatness in your life. As humans, consistency is one of the big things us humans struggle with the most, especially when we are moving outside of our comfort zone. However being consistent is essential if you want to make any big change in your life. It’s also a must have skill to creating what you want our of your life. It’s one of the things I work the most with my clients and what supports them or gets in the way. While I am not perfect, I have learned a thing or 2 about being consistent and it is a game changer in my health and wellness and my business. Here are 6 keys on being consistently consistent: 1) What’s your Why? Creating a vision and having an understanding of your why. For instance, you are saving money for amazing vacation. You want to create a biz that allows you freedom and increased income. Get clear on your why and don’t lose sight of it. 2) Schedule and prioritize Scheduling is an important factor of being consistent. For example, I scheduled my workouts in the morning, I have my own coaching session at the same time each week, I also schedule network meetings. If you schedule it, you are more likely to achieve it. 3) Ignore the voice in your head that says “I just don’t feel like it” There will be times you will have a voice of “I don’t want to do it” or ‘I just don’t feel like it”. At some point that voice will arise. You don’t have to listen to it! Many times I’ve heard that voice when I don’t want to run or go to that biz event. I know it’s normal and have the choice to not listen! Be consistent even when you don’t feel like it because you’ll often be grateful and happy that you pushed through the momentary discomfort. 4) Watch for self-doubt sneaking in While your creating the life of your dreams, self-doubt may sneak in and it can be the ultimate consistency destroyer. Notice and acknowledge your self-doubt. You wouldn’t have it if you weren’t challenging yourself. These are just voices too, and they aren’t the truth of who you are and what you are capable of. 5) Consistent schedule Mine starts with my morning schedule. I meditate, take the dog out for her walk, work out, have breakfast, look at my schedule for day and begin. It’s what works for me to start my day off feeling great and optimal as well as take care of my well-being. Having a level of consistency in your schedule creates an increased opportunity to tackle the things that are most important to you. 6) Practice consistency The beauty of consistency is that it permits you to be incremental in your progress. When you have those days that feel like “same, same” reflect on how far you’ve come and how far you’ll go because you’ll then see how different your life is indeed. Pick one thing and make it a habit then add the next thing. Keep practicing! There will be times you may fail off the wagon, no need to beat yourself up. Just get back on the wagon and practice again. I am the new mom of an adorable 4 month old chocolate lab name Ellie that came home with me at the end of July. What an adventure it has been! Hikes, yoga classes, meeting new friends, play biting, and training! Dogs can be some of the most sweet, lovable creatures in the world. If you slow down and pay attention, there is so much we actually can learn from our furry friends. Here are some of my own lessons Ellie teaches me daily. 1) Slow down and be in the moment As humans we are doing a lot, we are on the move, distracted by our phones. So much doing and we forget being. Dogs are right there in the present, not looking ahead, not looking behind. They enjoy company and play without the distractions and can be in the present moment. 2) Play, play, play Dogs are great reminders to humans to take time and play every day. We all need play time to have joy, live our best lives, and energize ourselves. Dogs, especially, puppies, love to play and have fun each day. 3) Take naps and rest Ellie plays like crazy and takes a nap when she sees needs to. We all need rest to regenerate our minds and bodies, to recover from the day, and to feel our best self. 4) Every day can be a new adventure You can wake up and start the day with dread or you can choose to see it as a new adventure. 5) Enjoy the little things in life Ellie is super excited about a kong with peanut butter or a being outdoors. There are so many little things that can bring joy if you look for them. 6) Forgive and let go I step on Ellie's paw or out a little longer than I planned to be. She forgives me and is able to go forward without a grudge. It takes energy to hold onto a grudge and anger. 7) Love Unconditionally Dogs love unconditionally like no other. Ellie loves just about anybody she meets! I know she loves me no matter what. It can be a challenging task to love unconditionally but our relationships would thrive! 8) Jump for joy when happy I come home and Ellie wags her tail, jumps up and down and is super excited to see me. Celebrate your wins, do happy dance, sing out loud it feels great! 9) Drink lots of Water Dogs instinctively know when their bodies need water. It’s a good reminder for us to stay hydrated and drink when we’re thirsty. In fact, drinking water when you feel hungry is good for weight management because often you just need some water. Another good practice is to drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up in the morning. 10) Don't compare yourself to others Can you imagine a terrier wishing she were a boxer or a poodle envious of a collie’s mane or a pug wanting the nose of a greyhound? We humans spend a lot of time trying to make ourselves look like someone else’s version of perfection instead of loving our unique features, our unique life, and yes, our unique problems. How boring it would be if all dogs (or all humans) looked and behaved alike! Love and appreciate everything about yourself — the good, the bad and the ugly! When faced with decisions in life, many times we seek guidance and support. If guidance begins to feel like you are being told what you should be doing versus what you know within yourself to be right, please remember to stand up for you. You get to choose what’s best for you. Whether you agree or disagree with this blog, it’s totally your choice. I would never tell you what you should think, feel or do. How many times have you shared something exciting you want to do with someone and their response was “you really should do….” How many times you knew in your heart what you really wanted, then told yourself you “should” do something else. I know I have had conversations like this with people in my past that resulted in advice giving using the “should” word. These conversations usually left me feeling disempowered, a little angry, unsupported and hurt. If I find myself using the should word, it's usually not coming from an empowering place. It’s the word I would like to eliminate from the vocabulary! I remember when I started my business many years ago and was met with other people's projections of fear. "You should keep your full time job", "This is scary, maybe you shouldn't do this". I chose to go forth anyhow and have supported many amazing humans over the years, have had so much growth from this experiences and created the work and life I wanted for myself. Have I made mistakes and hit road bumps along the way? Yes, but still my choice and not listen to the should word. Live your life for you. You get to choose powerfully. I love learning from others’ wisdom and experiences. I appreciate the guidance and support of others. I also appreciate good feedback and reflections. My true belief is that we are all here to educate and grow from one another. If someone has already been down a path of which I am headed down, why not learn from what they went through? Here’s the difference: I am seeking their guidance, not their approval. I love working with my coach. She NEVER tells me what I should do. She supports me on finding my own answers, asks powerful questions that evoke insight and reflects back to me what may be getting in the way. The should word is not used. Just because a way of life works for one person – does not mean that it will work for another. Listen, learn and take in what you need to when seeking advice. You may not have a need to follow their guidelines or walk their walk. Take that which serves you and forge your own path. If you make a mistake along the way, the learning is on you-not them. It is one thing for someone to offer you advice. It is another if they expect you to follow it. It is your choice. Ultimately, YOU have the power and knowledge within to find your answers in life. No one knows you better than you. Walk your own walk. One step at a time. PS: Photo taken from New Zealand, a place a couple people told me I "shouldn't" go to because it was far. It was one of the most amazing places ever and so grateful I listened to myself and went! What challenges you? Maybe it is a long run or a race, or hiking a mountain. Or starting a biz or a new job, asking someone out on a date. Maybe it is taking a class or going back to school. It could be doing something new and outside of your comfort zone. Challenging oneself promotes growth for not only yourself, but for others too. When I look back over my life and notice where I have grown the most, it has been going through experiences that were super uncomfortable and the most challenging. I look back at the many adventures I have been on such as hiking, backpacking, camping and travel and there were many times I was challenged. Weather patterns are unpredictable and travel plans can change on a dime when flights get cancelled. I’ve fallen many times, literally, and had to pick myself up and keep going. I love the challenge of a long hike, a river crossing or a run. My adventures typically brought a new level of confidence, a belief in myself that I can overcome obstacles and total excitement in doing something I was unsure I could do. For the past year I flew into NYC one a weekend a month for my Life Coaching and Leadership training program and graduated and certified in July. This program was designed to be confronting and challenging to create transformation. The past 12 months were transformative, life altering and empowering on so many levels. Not to mention many of my relationships have been transformed. I love being a business owner and I have been for the past 13 years or so. It has been the most exciting, life changing, challenging, and empowering experience. Many times I have wanted to quit and have had to commit and recommit over an over again. I have also reinvented my therapy business and also added a second business of Life and Career Coaching to add more challenge and growth. For the past year and half I have worked with a life and career coach. I have been challenged, pushed out of my comfort zone and called out on my own BS stories getting in my way. If I am supporting others to create amazing lives, I need to be doing my own work! So here is my challenge to you: Do something within the next seven days that forces you OUT of your Comfort Zone, even if it scares you. Take witness to who you inspire and provide learning along the way. I’d love to hear how your growth empowers others! Because undeniably, it will. A few weeks ago I was in NYC for my monthly leadership training and Friday evening I stayed in Brooklyn with a teammate. So on Saturday morning we leave Brooklyn to get to Manhattan 20 minutes early. Plenty of time to grab a coffee and get ready to kick off the weekend. On our way, we were in our Uber and came upon a large half marathon that was happening. There was traffic everywhere no matter which way we tried to go. We totally hit a standstill and decided to hop out of the Uber and run and catch the subway. It was raining, so I traded my heels in for running shoes and put on my rain jacket. We were now going to be 20 minutes late! I noticed I started to stress about not being on time. In this moment there was absolutely nothing we could do to get there any quicker and we realized it was out of our control at that point. Sometimes things happen beyond our control, no matter how much we plan for them. When I was stressing about being late, I noticed I still wanted to be in control of the subway and I felt tense. I realized that I have a choice on how I want to respond to the situation. I was able to loosen up, breathe a bit and relax. I could have chosen to stay tensed up or I could let go of what I can’t control go. As with many of the simpler things in life, it’s not always easy to let go, even of the things we know we can’t control. Many of us feel really uncomfortable with letting go of the grips of being in control and want to manage the outcomes. Sometimes we realize that all of this wanting to be in control can feel like an unnecessary burden. Like my stress on the subway that morning. We can allow ourselves to be taken over by anxiety and fear or we practice lessening our grip on control. I could have stayed in stress mode about being late and let it ruin my morning but I chose to let it go. We may not be able to be in control over every situation, but we are in control of how we want to respond. This is a great reminder as I return to NYC this weekend! Last week I organized a stand up paddle event for business leaders in the community to network and connect. The weather forecast was on an off all day and rapidly changing. We decided to go for it and paddle as it was clear when we started. In the background there was thunder and we can see a storm cell in the distance rolling on by. We decided not to go too far just because the weather was unpredictable. A couple of us stopped for a few minutes to just to chat and the wind pushed us a little farther out in the lake. So we started paddling back towards shore. I look behind us and I can see the rain coming towards us as we were paddling back. At first I thought we could make it back before we got hit. Then I heard thunder and saw lightening as we were getting closer to shore. The water was rough and the wind was blowing, I was paddling my little heart out! There was a part of me that knew I was going to get back to shore and be safe. I have been caught in the rain out on the lake by a fast moving storm many times and always got back ok. But the other part of me felt a bit of panic. Oh no, what if I get struck by lightening and die? What if someone gets hurt? Why can’t I paddle fast enough? Fear was present for those 5 or so minutes. I noticed a fellow paddler being super calm and going with the flow of it and paddling with ease, and I noticed my panic and fear and how hard I was paddling. I wanted to run, but couldn’t, I just had to paddle back. But how I was being was making me feel worse. So, I took a few deep breaths, calmed myself down, and continued to paddle back through the rain. We all have automatic ways of being when feel fear or when we are confronted. I invite you to take a look at your automatic way of reacting to fear. Maybe you run, maybe you hide, suffer, freak out or just shut down. Just notice your response and perhaps how it shows up in others of your life when you are confronted or scared. Just notice without judgement. Noticing your automatic response is helpful. You may have a reaction that comes up for you such as fear and a way of reacting to it, but you can always choose something different. For me on the lake that day, I chose to breathe and go with it. I arrived at the dock in a much calmer state of mind and enjoyed my last few minutes on the lake! There will always be unexpected storms in life which will challenge us, noticing ways we want to react and choosing something different can be empowering and impactful. This this past weekend I had the honor of teaching yoga at Triple Play Farm that hosted Davidson LifeLine’s Spring into Wellness event. Triple Play provides Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and the farm is a beautiful and peaceful place to spend an afternoon! Did I mention there was ice cream? The past 4 months have been a whirlwind for me that started with mom taking a fall at Christmas and having to leave her home of 65 years and go into long term care. I am her POA and had to learn fast about elder care and get on top of her finances to coordinate her care. I also sold her home in New Jersey, which was my childhood home. On top of taking several trips back to New Jersey, I have been traveling one weekend a month to NYC from Charlotte, NC for leadership training. On top of running my counseling business and growing my Life and Career Coaching biz. On top of getting my work outs in, connecting with my team and my friends. It just hit me when I was out on the farm this weekend that I really need to slow it down, breathe and get back to being. One of things about yoga I love so much is the breathing and slowing down to be more present in the moment. I feel the same way about spending time outdoors in nature. We live in a society where there is much emphasis on being busy and productive…all.the.time. Someone I worked with once shared they wanted to quit the “busy club”. I get it. Have you ever asked someone how they are doing and their response is “Great, I’m crazy busy!” So, since when did being busy make our lives better? Whatever happened to encouraging relaxation, peace, joy? Simply just being? I totally get having goals and taking action steps to reach your intended goals, that is important too. So is having connections with others and interests we love. We seem to forget about relaxation and being in the present because there is 'always something to do'. Being busy and productive can be quite an addictive cycle and stems from all different reasons. Sometimes we use being busy and productive as a measure of self-worth. The more we feel productive and busy, we connect it to feelings of self worth and compare ourselves to others. Many times people equate being busy as a measure of success. For others, it can be the feeling they have to do it all. So if this resonates with you, you are not alone. This also doesn’t have to be a way of being all the time either. Nor does it have to define your worth. You get to choose. Choosing to quit the busy club is possible. Consider that time is made up and you get to create it with intention. Consider this a reminder that relaxation is healthy. Slowing down, taking a technology break and taking time for ourselves to get back to being is just as important as achieving goals. It may actually assist with reaching your goals, just coming from a place of ease and intention and not as much busyness and force. Taking care of your well-being may look different for everyone. The areas to take a look are physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, and relationships. Are there areas that need a little more attention? What shifts can you make to get back to being? I love the expression 'we are human beings, not human doings.' So for me, this means getting plenty of sleep and rest. Taking walks outdoors, getting my yoga practice in. Saying 'no' to meetings to take care of myself. Connecting with important people in my life. Joy, play, laughter and of course adventure. I have an amazing support system and my own coach to share with. Reading a good book, being creative, listening to good music. Allowing myself to slow down. Addressing nutrition and hydration as well. So.. take care of you and your well-being. It’s ok to slow down to relax… and just be. Photo cred: Triple Play Farm Many of you know that I expanded my business to include Life and Career Coaching in addition to providing therapy. I have been getting a lot of questions about what coaching actually is. So I decided to share a little more. Perhaps you are looking to make a shift in your own life. Maybe you heard of life and career coaching but not quite sure what it is…if you’re curious read on. Coaching is similar to therapy, however it's not exactly the same. Coaching does address blocks, beliefs, and wounds. However coaching focuses on the present and future, building on the hard, deeper work you may have already done in counseling or therapy. Although therapy can focus on moving forward and the future, it's a different support system more focused on building new coping mechanism or can be more process oriented. Both are fantastic support systems and modalities. Coaching is a partnership that focus on you, what you want, and your vision for your life. It is powerful conversations about creating your life and moving beyond your current comfort zone. I coach clients on aspects of their career, business, relationships, wellness or areas of their life they want to make a shift in. We may start to focus on one area of your life, but other areas will be impacted as they are connected and impact each other. Coaching also provides an opportunity to understand the blocks you may not see for yourself and how to overcome them, allowing you to create the life you want and be who you truly want to be. Coaching allows you to create your life from a place of possibility and empowerment, instead of a place of how you think it should be or has to be. You get to choose outside of your circumstances and feelings. I am here to support your ability to see things for what they really are by providing reflections, asking provoking questions, and standing for what you say you want. Coaching can support you get you unstuck from ineffective habits and patterns by building effective communication and relationship skills and offering encouragement and empowerment along with accountability. Coaching can move you forward to the life you wish to create...from your own design. If you're curious to learn more, let’s talk! PS: I see people in my office or on-line via FaceTime or zoom. PPS: Photo from my trip to Croatia |
AuthorLife and Leadership Coach, Licensed Counselor, outdoor enthusiast, yoga lover and passionate about wellness. Archives
May 2022
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