Have you ever found yourself wanting to do something outside of your comfort zone, then quickly talk yourself out of it? Whether that be to start your dream business, make a career move, or ask that person on a date. Self-doubt gets in the way and we can freeze. Our inner critic can tell us that we are not good enough. When bombarded by elements that can lower our self-belief, we can take charge of building up our confidence and resiliency muscles… to live the life you want and be the awesome person you are.
This topic comes up quite frequently with my clients, and I have had my share of my inner critic speaking up when going out of comfort zone. Below I will share some tips to build your muscles in this area.
1. Feeling the range of emotions you have without judgement. The pleasant and not so pleasant. You are a human and have a full range of emotions and feelings. Sometimes it is uncomfortable! We can feel a full range from anger, frustration to joy and love. Allow your self to feel them, but they don’t have to derail you from the things you want to do. By allowing yourself to be with and still take steps forward, it builds resiliency, emotional strength and confidence in yourself to manage challenging emotions.
2. Speaking up and being heard. This may be sharing your thoughts, asking for what you need or want and self-expression. While we can be mindful and intentional in our speaking, it’s allowing yourself to speak up and be heard versus hiding and playing small because you are fearful of using your voice.
3. Taking Action. Take small steps forward towards your vision and goals in your life, even when you feel scared. Each step you can take can build confidence in yourself. Celebrate the steps you are taking to go forward!
4. Ending Self criticism and beat-up. This is one is so important! We can be our worst critic and be so critical about ourself in our minds. It can be an endless cycle that can be stopped. When we are in the self beat up cycle, it can be a hindrance to our self-confidence. Notice when you are in the self critical loop, acknowledge it, have compassion for yourself and practicing letting it go and choosing thoughts that would better serve you.
5. Accept Compliments. As anyone ever gave you a compliment, and you found yourself not being able to take it in and hear it? Compliments are a mirror of who you are and the great qualities people see in you. Practicing receiving and allowing compliments, they are a reflection of you are!
6. Allow yourself see your positive qualities and achievements: Maybe that’s reminding yourself of accomplishments you have already had and the things you are good at. Maybe you have a great smile, or you nailed that work project. Allow yourself to acknowledge your positive qualities and achievements, no matter how large or small. Do this often!
7. Spending time outdoors. Spending time outdoors in nature can a be a big confidence and resilience booster. For one, it allows you to connect with yourself. When you are on a trek, long walk, or climbing a mountain(big or small), when you get to the top, it can be an amazing feeling and the knowledge you can do it.
Resilience refers to how well you can manage and bounce back from the difficulties of life. Resilient people tend to maintain a more positive outlook and cope with stress more effectively. On both a personal and business level, resilience helps us to create, build, and heal in ways never thought possible- giving us the ability to meet challenges that come our way.
While some people seem to come by resilience naturally, these behaviors can also be learned.
Whether you're going through a tough time now or you want to build muscles, here are 6 things you can practice in order to foster your own resilience.
1)Build Positive Beliefs in Your Abilities
Having confidence in your own ability to cope with the stresses of life can play an important part in resilience. Your belief in yourself plays an important role in coping with stress and recovering from difficult events. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments and practice shifting negative beliefs that pop up in your mind. Remind yourself of the struggles you have faced and got through.
2) Embrace Change
Flexibility is an essential part of resilience. By practicing adaptability, you'll be better equipped to respond when faced with a life crisis. Resilient people often utilize these events as an opportunity to branch out in new directions. While some people may be crushed by abrupt changes, highly resilient individuals are able to adapt and thrive.
3) Developing Optimism
Staying optimistic during dark periods can be difficult, but maintaining a hopeful outlook is an important part of resilience. Positive thinking does not mean ignoring the problem in order to focus on positive outcomes. It means understanding that setbacks are temporary and that you have the skills and abilities to combat the challenges you face.
4) Nurture Yourself
Focus on building your self-nurturance skills and make time for activities that you enjoy. By taking care of your mind, body, and soul, you can boost your overall health and resilience, manage stress, and be fully ready to face life's challenges.
5) Build Strong Social Connection and Support
Having caring, supportive people around you act as a protective factor during times of crisis. While simply talking about a situation with a friend or loved one won't make your troubles go away, it allows you to share your feelings and get supported.
6) Spend Time in Nature
A great example nature demonstrates of resiliency is rest. In winter the trees go dormant, animals hibernate and seeds await to bloom in the spring. Our minds and bodies need rest and breaks from the busy world. With proper rest, we gain the capacity to handle challenges, stress and lead to having a different perspective.
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Coach and Registered Yoga teacher, mentor and advisor. I draw from these modalities to support you with the healing process if needed, stress management, building resilience and shifting challenging thoughts. We connect with your intuition, get clear on your vision, address the blocks that are in the way so that you are living the life you want to live. There is no cookie cutter approach, our work together is completely tailor made to what it is your goals and needs are. My work is integrative, so I also work with the mind-body connection.
Perhaps you left the soul-sucking job to start your own business or look for another career or you ended a relationship that was no longer working but you are still open to finding your big love. You have done some growing and evolving. You’ve outgrown who you once were and the new is in progress. You’re in the in-between stage- between what you are finished with and what is next in life. Sometimes knowing that this stage is a real thing can be validating.
It’s like when you are in process of making fudge brownies. You have done the prep, mixed all the batter and put the brownies in the oven. They are in process, and just not where you want them to be to eat as a fully baked delicious brownie. The in-between stage is like being in the goo stage of the brownies.
The in-between stage of life can be really uncomfortable. You are in the polarities of what was and what will be. There is the unknown and perhaps feelings of discomfort and trepidation or grief. Maybe you are present to excitement as well.
It is a bit unavoidable on the way to your next phase. Predictability and fixating on the past will not bring you to your inner peace and full power. You know you can’t run back to the safety of old structures. You’ve been there and know the outcome of that. You don’t know exactly what’s waiting for you on the other side of where you are right now, but you have flashes of possible outcomes and new ideas of how you want it to be. You're in the dance of of letting go and holding on.
There may be times you want to grab something solid to hold onto. Maybe you want to call your ex, apply for a job you don’t want, stay home and watch Netflix instead of going on that date. Or you choose a local destination to travel to, but you really want to go abroad. Some kinds of familiarity are truly nourishing. But in the in-between, clinging to what you thought was good for you just prolongs this stage.
You’re evolving and expanding, your evolving self requires new sources of refreshment and nourishment….which can take some time to seep in.
You’re in the process of beautiful transformation. Transformation can be messy and not always a smooth ride. However so much growth, exploration and new awarenesses can come during this stage.
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. ~Anonymous. A friend gave me this magnet quote when I was in the separation stage of divorce many years ago. On the brink of this experience, I started a business, traveled the world, and experienced things I couldn't of imagined. I have also have met some of my dearest friends and connections. I forever keep it on my fridge as a reminder during transition times of life.
Keep going my friend, you can’t go back now, you have come too far. Stop flailing and float. Choose deep breathing over gasping. Remember your “why” and what it truly is that you want in your life and who you are. Keep taking one step at a time forward until you discover your wings and fly.
Photo: Cueva de Dos Puertas in Grazalema Natural Park, near Grazalema Spain.
I am getting close to leave for my next adventure...this time to Spain for a yoga retreat, culture, hiking, wine and olive oil tastings! While those are amazing things about travel and adventure, there are additional internal shifts and benefits from travel.
Travel isn't only beneficial to your physical well-being, there is also a significant amount of research suggesting that exploring a new place is also greatly impactful on your emotional and mental well-being. I'm in!
Here are a few good reasons to travel and how it positively impacts your mental and emotional wellness....
1) Travel relieves stress
Life can get pretty hectic with busy careers, family responsibilities and being accessible 24/7 with technology. Thus, taking a break from the daily hustle is essential for your mind to relax, recharge and rejuvenate. Traveling promotes happiness and helps you take your mind off stressful situations. This leads to lower cortisol levels, making you feel more calm and content. Not to mention while experiencing amazing things!
2) Travel fosters new perspectives and reinvention
If you allow it, travel has the ability to expand your mind and perspectives more ways than you can imagine. Traveling, especially to a foreign country, can allow you the space to re-evaluate and reinvent your life. Meeting people from other cultures will teach you that the way you’ve been looking at the world isn’t the way everybody else does. In fact, your point-of-view might have some blind spots. Seeing the world for yourself will improve your vision and your view on life. Some of the happiest people I met were in poverty stricken areas. You also can get a great appreciation for your own life. Some my greatest shifts in perspective came to me when I was traveling the world.
3) Travel increases resilience
Going or living somewhere where you feel excited and intimidated at the same time builds resilience. I have done quite a bit of travel solo, and love it. I have to problem solve, be on my toes, and aware of what's around me. To know I can do that, is an amazing feeling. Facing difficulties in an unfamiliar environment, among new people, forces you to learn and adapt to a life that's out of your comfort zone. This builds flexibility, patience and emotional strength.
Travel can help you when larger issues in life happen with more grace and patience, I remember earlier in my very early travel days our rental car in Costa Rica was broken into and that included my passport, money and credit cards and some belongings! Another travel adventure to Peru, I lost my cell phone on the plane. These experiences taught me to work through situations more calmly and to attach less emotion to belongings and still be present. I could have let those incidents ruin my whole trip, but I chose not to. Bottom line is, the more challenges you’re faced with, the better you'll get at overcoming them, eventually becoming more resilient, mentally and emotionally.
4) Travel is Education
Seeing the world provides an education that’s absolutely impossible get in school. Travel teaches you economy, politics, history, geography, and sociology in an intense, hands-on way no class will. You can learn a new language and be exposed to culture and not to mention amazing food!
5) Travel helps you move forward
If you’re between jobs, schools, kids, or relationships, travel can be a perfect way to move from one of these life stages into your next great adventure. Travel will give you a chance to reflect on where you’ve been, where you’re going, and where you want to end up.
6) Travel helps you develop skills you didn't know you had
Sometimes it’s only far from home that you realize you you’ve got skills you’ve never used. It’s travel that brings them to the surface and makes you smile, satisfied to have reached the mountain top, or crossed a gorge or helped a villager clean up after a storm, or even to have successfully ordered a meal at a restaurant where English is not spoken.
I could go on with more reason to travel! All of the benefits I mentioned above can be integrated into your everyday life. The peaceful feeling you had by the ocean, cooking delicious food, and all of the skills, can be recreated at home. The memories and experiences you have traveling will be with you for a lifetime!
Photo: Me in New Zealand
There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen. ~Rumi
We all have an antenna for intuition and wisdom, but when the noise of our lives gets too loud, whether that be inside or outside noise, it’s more challenging to utilize our own inner guidance system.
Many of us have been conditioned to ask for advice and to look outside ourselves for answers or guidance before checking in with our own inner knowing. We may have gotten into the habit of trusting society’s opinions and influences, forgetting that we have our own wisdom and guidance, if we are open to listening.
When we depend only on our mental capacities to navigate our lives, we are limited and often end up feeling confused, ping-ponging between pros and cons and can get stuck in what path to choose.
Trusting in myself and my own intuition has been one of my biggest breakthroughs. There have been times in my life when my intuition was speaking and I didn't always listen. Now, when faced with a choice or decision, I always tune into my body and my mind. I know the difference from when I'm just scared and when something isn't the right path for me. You can always return to your own inner compass too.
What I have found is that as we attune to our own knowing and trust in it by taking action, we build and strengthen the muscle to navigate our lives with more grace.
There is a flow that we tap into where synchronicities tend to unfold more frequently and things fall into place much more smoothly. Inspiration that comes through them into action.
You have such wisdom within you. You know what is true in your own heart… you’ve always known. I support you in following and trusting your own knowing.
You are here to express and be who you are in this world. You are ultimately the only one that knows what is right for you at any given time.
This doesn’t mean we close off to other perspectives. Other people may make suggestions and offer advice, but I invite you to check in with how it feels in your body and let that be the barometer that guides you.
Listening in the silence, especially in the morning, even if it’s just for 5 minutes or going for a walk in nature are other great ways I have found to hear my own inner voice more clearly or to reconnect with my truth. Disconnecting from social media and all the noise is supportive for me as well.
Some people tune in through prayer, meditation, yoga, listening to music, going surfing or what athletes sometimes refer to as the ‘runner’s zone.’
Staying connected to what inspires you is another way to help connect back to the frequency of a higher vibration where intuition lives. Whether that be reading uplifting material, hearing a lecture on something that lights you up, or doing spiritual practices – you, more than anyone, knows what makes you come alive… do that!
Of course, I share all of these as suggestions and I am in full support of you following what’s most true in your heart… always.
We are all here to support and learn from each other, so if there is an experience you’d like to share about, maybe a time you have listened to and followed your own knowing, especially if it wasn’t the logical choice, but you listened anyway, please feel free to share below. We can inspire each other to stay true to ourselves.
Hello, thanks for stopping by! I am Lisa Firullo and I am a Certified Life and Career Coach and Licensed Therapist. I support people to get clear on what they want in their life as well as who they are and want to be. I support people to get connected to your own intuition, build self-trust, and own connect with their own power so they can live the life they are meant for... with joy, play, ease and prosperity. We will address the blocks that get in the way, stress/overwhelm and self-doubt, identify goals and vision, and create an action plan to get there. If this resonates with you, I offer a 60 minute complimentary session, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will set a time to talk!
Being on this journey of transformation and inner work, when it comes to creating
the life I truly want, I've made a big connection.
A big part of getting what you are dreaming of is fully and deeply realizing your worthiness of receiving them and allowing them to actually develop.
Mic drop. Breathe that in.
It has little to do with not being able to achieve. It has everything to do with not being READY to RECEIVE!
We can do the work, do all the things, visualize, say mantras, however we have to be willing to see our own worth of receiving. There were times I have second guessed myself, not stood in my own power or excused myself for not achieving what was possible. I was energetically blocking the flow of allowing and receiving!
We do the deep work on ourselves to step out of the stuck and into the life that is worthy of us. To own who we are, live in our purpose, and create impact – however big or small – in the world around us. We do the work to find joy, what lights us up, love, peace and a sense of freedom to be who we are.
Are you ready? Here are a few things to take a look at in your own journey.
Trust: A practice of trusting in yourself such as getting connecting with your own intuition and inner knowing, not what other are doing or saying. Your answers are within you, it's a practice of quieting the mind to hear it and trusting in yourself.
Thoughts/mindset/beliefs about yourself: Notice the thoughts popping into your head. We have 80,000 thoughts per day and we don't have to listen to all of them. Not all of them are accurate! Listen to the thoughts that serve you, fuel you, uplift you. Mindsets can actually shift pretty quickly.
Being Inspired: Leading a life where you feel inspired on a daily basis, even for a moment. What inspires you? I feel the most inspired outdoors in nature, it is where my can connect to my myself and inner knowing and where I am always reminded of how worthy I am of receiving.
Practice Allowing: Whether that's a compliment, a cup a coffee from your friend, the new amazing client, money flow or love. Allow yourself to have it and enjoy it without questioning it.
Self worth is a beautiful, you are so worthy of all the things you want to create! We all have it within us. And my hope for all of you, from this moment forward, is to realize how worthy you are in life and allow ALL the good stuff in.
Hi, I am a Coach and therapist supporting people get clear on what they want to create in life, address the blocks that are in the way, create a plan and the results they want. We address stress and self-doubt and coming from a place of ease, play and joy. If interested in learning more, email me at email@example.com. Looking forward to hearing from you!
PHOTO: Salzburg, Austria. I was in a gondola!
The conversation of being afraid of failing comes up quite often in my sessions with people. What words come to mind when you think of failing? I’m guessing not the most positive thoughts arise!
Failing can be scary, it doesn’t feel great, and can bring up self-doubt, fear and all the feels.
However when we are up to big things, making big changes in our lives, we risk failure. We are actually going outside and beyond our comfort zone and stretching ourselves and growing. We can either stay exactly the same, or we can go for the things we want. Whether that be a new business, career, or relationship, that big trip, or even having kids.
Failing is going to happen at some point and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.. We make it a bad thing. We don’t learn from all the things that go right in our life, we learn from the mistakes. We grow, we reinvent, we make adjustments, and we learn a whole lot from mistakes and failing. Sometimes life can take a whole different trajectory with brand new knowledge you wouldn’t have had otherwise.
I’ve had my share of failing and have fallen right on my face a few times! I've had to pick myself up and shake off the dust, rise up… and try again. I look at failing as giving up on my dreams because I was scared and not going for what I want, not the mistakes I’ve made along the way.
When we fail at something- we label ourselves as a failure. Such as when a marriage fails or a business fails, we may call ourself a failure when really it was the marriage that failed or the business that failed. You are not a failure. Failing at something doesn’t define you.
Some questions to ponder: What would you do in your life if you weren’t afraid of failing? Would anything shift or change?
Photo: Moraine Lake, Banff National Park, Alberta Canada (love this place)
**I’m Lisa Firullo and I am a Life and Leadership Coach, I positively impact the lives of others one conversation at a time. I work with biz owners, leaders and professionals to get clear on what they want, their vision, address the blocks that get in the way, and create a plan of action to generate the results they want with less overwhelm and more play, joy and adventure. I offer 60 minute complimentary sessions, send me an email if interested in learning more! firstname.lastname@example.org.
You have great ideas and visions for what you want in your life, whether that's starting a business, a new career, reinventing your business, health and wellness or relationship. However you can't quite get there and wondering what is going on and why you can't hit the mark. It is quite a frustrating experience.
What do you think is the biggest roadblock that gets in your own way of getting what you want? Yes you guessed it, you! I know, not always fun to hear.
Now that you have some awareness of this, you can choose differently and make some shifts. Without the awareness, we can't make the shifts. I will share a few ways we get in our way and suggestions to move forward.
Self-Doubt: When you are up to new things, self-doubt can attempt to run the show. You may ask yourself: Am I enough? Can I actually do this? Am I worthy of this? Do I have what it takes? What if I really mess up? Most people up to big things feel some sort of imposter syndrome. You are challenging yourself outside of your comfort zone. The good news is that we don't have to listen to all of your thoughts, they are not always accurate of your ability to achieve something and we get to choose different thoughts and thoughts that actually serve us.
Not trusting yourself or others: You may find yourself looking for external validation from your friends, partner, or family for what you should you do. You may find it really hard to decide for yourself on what is best for you. While yes it is helpful to bounce ideas off of others, their advice may not always be what is best for you and indicative of what you need. A practice would be a round of deep breathing to get grounded, connect with yourself, your heart, and soul. Listen for what comes up. We have the answers within us, it's trusting in ourselves to actually hear it.
Not asking for support and doing it alone: Some of us super independent people try to do it alone and don't think we need support. Guess what? We ALL need support. You are worthy of being fully supported. The thing is, you can actually get to where you are going a bit quicker with support around you. A practice would be is asking for support, whether that's to be heard, a referral for your business or some encouragement.
Not allowing or open to receiving: So maybe you are gaining traction on your goals and good things are starting to roll in. If you are not open to allowing the good things to come in, whether that's money or love, or whatever, you create an energetic block of actually getting what you want. A practice may be of simply allowing: whether that's a compliment, money flow, or love.
Having a beautiful vision and not taking action: You have this beautiful vision of what you want in your life, you can see it, feel it, taste it. However without action, you won't get there. A practice would be creating an action plan and steps to reach your goal and setting up some accountability structures.
Thanks for reading! I am a Life & Career Coach and I work with trailblazing business owners and leaders to create the life they want. I support them to get clear on what they truly want, move past the blocks that get in the way, drop the self-doubt and overwhelm to generate results, the income they desire with more ease, play and adventure. Email me at email@example.com to set up your 60 minute complimentary discovery session!
You are enough. Just as you are. Period.
So what does this mean to be enough?
You are enough means that you were made to be you, as you are, on purpose. You are enough as you are, mess and all, beautiful as you are, showing up for your life every day. That’s all you have to be and all you have to do. You’re already enough.
You are enough means you can grow and change and continue to become, because you aren’t trying to prove yourself.
You are enough means that you don’t have to strive to become more worthy, more valid, more acceptable, or more loved. You already are all of those things.
There are things you may want to be more of. Openness. Honest. True. Authentic. Free. Connected. Intentional. Purposeful. Those are all expressions of your enough-ness. They aren’t about changing yourself, they’re about being yourself.
You were enough before, you are enough now, and you will continue to be enough as you become more of who you were made to be. And believing that, when the world keeps whispering otherwise, is brave.
Because “you are enough” does not mean that you have been measured and considered and judged, and that you have finally earned the label of “enough.”
It doesn’t mean that you’ve worked long enough, tried hard enough, presented well enough.
It’s simply who you are. The you that you are is enough.
You don’t have to be more, or do more, or buy more to be who you are meant to be.
That’s what I mean when I say you are enough.
You are enough does not mean that you are a final product, complete and finished, all done growing and changing and learning things forevermore.
Having a good grasp on “enough” means you don’t have to get everything, and you certainly don’t have to be everything.
You are enough does not mean that you have to be self-sufficient. It doesn’t mean that you don’t need anyone or anything else. It means you understand how much you do need, how small you are in this great grand universe — and that you don’t have to be even one inch bigger than that.
You are enough absolutely does not mean that you never need help. When you know you are enough, it’s easier to ask for help. It’s easier to admit your weaknesses. You know that your imperfections and your difficulties don’t reflect on your worth, because you are already enough, just as you are.
You are enough does not mean that you are flawless, or that you never make mistakes.
You make mistakes. I make mistakes every single day. I’m aware of my flaws.That doesn’t mean that my flaws are the truest, most important thing about me, it just means that I acknowledge them. I see them there. They exist.
You are enough flaws and all. You are worthy of all the amazing things you want in your life.
I’m noticing a trend in talking with my clients about slowing down a notch. I also noticed my own desire and need to slow down too. We live in such a fast paced world these days. Do more, hustle, work really hard, do it right now, do everything now, and do it super fast. There is also working longer hours to achieve more and being connected all the time with technology and being always “on.”
It doesn’t have to be that way to get the results you want and the life you want.
I have been practicing slowing down this year, having boundaries around what I will take on and knowing what I have to let go that is not serving me or aligned with my purpose. I’m breathing easier, I feel the joy in the little things, I feel lighter and freer. Yet I am still in action making things happen and doing. I’m just coming from a different place and being.
Our nervous systems can begin working in overdrive.. for years. When we actually slow down, access stillness without the force and push, it can be slightly confusing to the system and maybe disorienting! You can also see things a little clearer, what you though you wanted, maybe wasn’t the thing for you. What you thought that mattered, maybe didn’t so much.
Slowing down can be a bit terrifying(yet I still recommend it!) Doing too much can be a cover up for fear, wounds, anger, shall self-worth. Do more to gain acceptance and love, do more to not feel all the feelings. We avoid just being in our own humanity.
Just slow things down and it becomes more beautiful. ~David Lynch
There is freedom in flow and ease. More space to create, to be, expand, live. So many of us are breathless, pushing harder to achieve. It’s not passion, it’s a bit punishing.
Slowing down is brave, flow, and faith. Slowing down is not being in action or not going for your deep desires and vision, it’s about you actually being there and being and seeing all of it. With presence and joy while you impact the world in your own way and live the life you want.
Life and Leadership Coach, Licensed Counselor, outdoor enthusiast, yoga lover and passionate about wellness.