Have you noticed noticed any feelings burnout or extra fatigue lately? This can include, but not limited to: feeling overwhelmed, fatigue, anxiety, sluggishness, lack of motivation or just not feeling joy. You are not alone if you are feeling this way. I have noticed my own need of more rest lately.
Whatever that may be important in your life, it requires energy. Whether it may be your family, growing your business, recovery from a past event, navigating the pandemic. They also require you to have regular self- care.
Implementing self-care into your life each day is essential. When we prioritize our wellness and well-being, we are more likely to feel energized, feel creative, and connect with our purpose. We can show up for what matters most from a more rested place.
With that said, this is not a reason to stop showing up in your life.
This is a nudge to continue to show up for the things that are important to you AND take care of your emotional wellness. You can continue to work towards your goals and take care of your emotional wellness.
So, where can you start?
A few of my own favorite practices that I do regularly: get outdoors in nature every day, take my dog, Ellie, for walks and hikes, and my yoga and meditation practice. Eating really good, healthy food and staying hydrated. Lately I have been able to visit the farmers market for fresh produce. So good! I'm also allowing myself breaks in the day and to slow down, breathe and rest. Also, connecting with the important people in my life for good soul conversations and belly laughs! Oh and naps too!
Please reach out if you need additional support!
Is everything going to be okay? Many have asked this question to themselves during challenging times in their lives. To say everything will be okay, is meant to provide reassurance and hope. But those words can sometimes ring empty.
That’s because when you say everything is going to be okay, the hope is that everything is going to be resolved and there won’t be any major heartache or disruption.
Even if today’s problem resolves itself simply and easily, there will be other challenges tomorrow or the next day. Jobs are lost. Relationships fail. Illness happens. Loved ones pass. Sooner or later, every one of us will have moments of pain.
But that doesn’t mean you have to tiptoe through life, breath held, shoulders tense, wondering when it will be your turn for things to not be okay. It doesn’t mean you have to live in despair.
When you hit those inevitable moments of not okay, it means one thing: you are alive, you are brave and you are human.
In being vulnerable, you discover your own strength. In facing down your worst fears, you find your own power. In standing up to external opposition, you learn to silence the internal opposition that says you can't and you are not enough. You become the best version of yourself one choice at a time. You make mistakes. Things don’t work out. And you show up and keep trying anyway.
It’s that kind of everyday courage that changes lives. That matters. And it doesn’t come from everything outside you working out smoothly. It comes from claiming your own power right in the middle of the complicated, imperfect present.
You don't have to feel courageous to be brave and you don’t have to feel strong to have grit. Some of your most valiant decisions will come in the shadows and in the quiet moments.
You don’t have to be cocky to claim your power—in fact, it makes it harder. Remind yourself that regardless of what happens outside of you, you can still choose your response. You can create meaning and purpose and joy even when things don’t work out. That’s your superpower. You can build up truth, positivity, and hope inside yourself.
Being present means being brave enough to show up fully, even though it scares you to let people see that you are less than perfect.
Feeling like a victim (even when unfair things are happening), on the other hand, siphons away your power. If you tell yourself that you can only be okay when other people treat you well, or when circumstances unfold in an ideal way, you cut your own determination, strength, and resourcefulness out of the equation.
And those are exactly the qualities that can make things okay—not at some future, magical time, but right now, on this messy, beautiful, ordinary, irreplaceable day. When you’re feeling scared, the real reassurance isn’t that you will dodge every problem, and the real hope isn’t that you will never struggle.
Comfort comes from getting honest with yourself: You will make mistakes. Other people will make mistakes. Things will sometimes just go wrong. And all of that is okay. It's okay because you are brave enough to make your way through imperfect circumstances.
It’s okay because setbacks don’t define you or your future. And It’s okay because there is room in your great big heart for sadness and joy, discouragement and faith. You are strong enough to sit with pain, learn from it, and let it go.
Know that on the days when challenges loom large as well as the days when things work out, on the days when you feel scared and inadequate as well as the days when confidence comes easily, you are enough. Keep going. You have a beautiful life to live.
As I write this blog post we are about 4 weeks into sheltering at home and school closings. Updates are happening on a regular basis and new information, so much has shifted in our lives in just 3-4 weeks In addition, there is some uncertainty that many of us are thinking about.
There can be many ups and downs with how we are feeling.
One hour, I’m so incredibly grateful to be working and to be safe and healthy, as well as glad that friends and family are ok. Then an hour later I can feel sad for people who have lost family members, empathize with educators who have made massive shifts on the drop of a dime, and think about the state of the economy and the health of the men and women who work in essential services.
The next hour, I’m feel excited that the earth is healing and this is an opportunity for rest, reflection and making shifts that are important. I and enjoying the slower pace of the world and love working from home as well as being with my dog.
Then the next, I would love to go hang out with friends and have a delicious meal or go to the coffee shop for a few minutes, run with friends or go to the mountains. I am excited and looking forward to connecting with people in person one day and have hope we will get to the other side of this.
We Can Hold Fear and Hope—At the Same Time
Those of us who have more sensitive souls can experience feelings of fear, stress, sadness, and worry—while at the same time catching glimmers of hope and happiness right where we are. There is room for all of our feelings.
One thing we can do is carefully watch our thoughts. Our brains are going to be more tempted than ever to go down negative spirals, to dwell on all of the stress, fear, and heartache around us.
Our dominant thoughts can create how we feel and our experiences. We are all entitled to experience our own feelings and have our own experiences, however we have an opportunity to give our brains different thoughts when we find ourselves in a downward spiral. We can shift our thoughts to those that are more supportive and build our residency muscles.
Here are a few to practice if it serves you:
I would love to hear- do one of these resonate for you? Please share!
One of the most frequently asked questions by clients is “How can I stay grounded when there is so much happening in our world?” Our accessibility to news, the current political climate, changing weather patterns, ongoing violence, natural disasters, Hollywood crime, pandemic health concerns, a fluctuating stock market and more can leave us feeling unsettled and lacking the solid hold we wished we had on life. Unless we actively work on staying grounded, we will undoubtedly remain unsettled and unable to comfortably manage day-to-day concerns.
The essence of who we are and our body tells us when we are in overwhelm and misaligns us by creating a sensation of stress, anxiety, depression or another mental health concern. As a modern society, we are still taught that these are “bad” reactions to unsettling events, but in reality, these are messages from our higher self that something needs attention—something needs to be grounded in order for us to lift our spirits and thrive.
Getting grounded is the ability to be aware of the present moment, more mindful of your own mental and emotional self, and less influenced by other ideas or individuals.. Nothing outside of you can fully ground you, it must come from within. No job, significant other, child, hobby, alcohol or anything else external to us can realign our lives.
There may always be something going on in the world or our lives, so taking the time to get grounded is important. Following are several tips to help you stay grounded even when the world around you seems unsettled.
Breathe! The simple act of focusing on your breath can not only slow it down, it can send signals to the brain to help you relax. Try this: Take a slow, deep breath in as you count to four, pause the breath for a count of four, then release slowly while counting backwards from six to zero. Repeat this as many times as you need.
Focus on the present. Research indicates that only 10% of us think about the present, while nearly 40% percent worry about the past and approximately 50% worry about the future. By practicing presence, we can more realistically assess our situation at hand and respond to events rather than react to them.
Using discernment with new and social media. Social media and the internet has created an urgency to receive information as fast as we can, but it doesn’t always fact check what is real. In most cases, the details are only peripherally helpful in building the big picture, but they are often immensely draining if over-indulged. I understand about wanting to stay informed, use discernment and take breaks from social media and the news.
Get Outside. Spending time in nature can be calming and grounding. Taking a walk, sitting outside, cleaning out a garden can help you feel more grounded and balanced.
Do something that feeds your soul. I encourage my clients to find what brings them joy and also to intentionally set time aside to participate. All work and no play really does take a toll on our health. In many ways, we have come to value exhaustion over joy. Because modern living has disconnected us from our own self we have also forgotten that its most natural state is that of joy, itself!
When was the last time you did something fun, creative, or enjoyable just for the sake of doing it? There are many things to learn from those unsettled thoughts and feelings. Our health depends on our willingness and ability to become conscious of what we need in order to thrive. See what you can discover.
Have you ever questioned "where is my joy?" I believe we all have at some point. At times our joy can feel overshadowed by every day challenges, emotions, and experiences. Yet even then, joy can still be felt. There is space for all of it. During my own experiences of challenging times and heartbreak, I also experienced joy. Whether that may be a walk in nature, time with my dog or a good friend.
If you are needing some ideas to get started, here are a few suggestions for you to experience joy in your own life. You may also want to create your own list or add to this one:
1) Make yourself a priority. You deserve your own time and attention. There are 1440 minutes in a day; make yourself a priority and use some of those minutes for you. Whether that is getting in a yoga class, running a bubble bath, or reading a book. Do what makes your heart sing.
2) Try something new. Maybe it is a new coffee flavor or a new meal? Or an art museum or a new sport? Trying something new adds a little adventure into every day life. Sometimes that may feel a little scary at first. However on the other side of fear, you may discover complete JOY!
3) Move your body. Movement can wake us up and provide a boost of energy when we are feeling lethargic. Maybe that is going for a walk, having a dance party in the kitchen to your favorite music, doing some yoga or stretching. Make it fun for yourself. When we start moving and boost our energy, it's an opening to feel joy.
4) Affirm yourself. How many times have you started a sentence with, “I am ... ?” What comes after the "I am" is super important. A suggestion is to write down: “I AM... Strong. Worthy. Beautiful. Loving. ” or any other statements that resonate. Every morning, read them to yourself or out loud. In 30 days you may notice a big shift in how you are feeling.
5) Go into nature. Research shows that being outdoors for only 5 minutes a day can improve your mood, raise your self-esteem, and reduce trauma symptoms. Go outside. Touch the earth. Breathe in the smells. Notice the sounds you hear. Notice what's around you. Connect with the beauty that surrounds you.
6) Nurture Relationships. That may be calling a friend, meeting someone you care about for lunch or coffee. Share what's going on in your life and connect. Laugh out loud, as laugher is so therapeutic. Let yourself be silly too. It's ok to be an adult and play too!
7) Invest in you. Joy comes from within - no doubt. And the greatest way to create more joy is through healing, growth, and exploration of self. Feed your soul by reading a good book, take that class you are interested in, go on that adventure you seek. The more joy we create from within, the more joy we create in our life.
Feel free to share below ways you experience joy in your life, I would love to hear it you
The good news is that your fate isn’t set. You get to decide how you want your day to go and to live purposefully.
It’s actually far more exhausting to not work than it is to work. It takes far more energy sitting with internal conflict and justification than it does to just get to work. Said Steven Pressfield, “Most of us have two lives: the life we live and the un-lived life within us. Between the two stands resistance.”
If your life feels out-of-balance, you’re likely avoiding the very thing you should be doing. Avoidance leads to distraction.
When I'm in flow at work or in my life, I feel more joy and vibrant. The world is a more beautiful and abundant place. I leave my work more energized than before I started. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life. Others feel that energy from too.
Conversely, on days I’ve spent my working time in distraction, I don't feel as great and have low energy. You can’t see the energy-field around you, but it’s there.
You Can Make the Shift. I know what it feels like being stuck and without momentum.You can feel absolutely powerless to change your life and circumstances. But that’s not true. Feeling guilty about all the time you’ve wasted won’t help.
If you make a few tweaks to your approach, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your perception of the world and yourself will change. As your perception changes, everything around you will change.
Give one or two of these a try and watch what happens:
1. Have a weekly reflection and planning session
One day per week, take 10–30 minutes reflecting on your past six days. How did they go? What did you do or not do?
Getting down on yourself isn’t the purpose. Rather, being aware of how you’re doing is the purpose. Awareness facilitates empowerment to change. This need not take long, but it can dramatically improve the quality of your weeks and the days within those weeks.
2. At the end of each day, make your game plan for tomorrow
Having a plan eliminates the burden of choice. If you wake up without a plan, you will bounce from thing-to-thing without really doing anything. You won’t be focused or purposeful. It’s so much more powerful to wake up with a purpose and a clear reason to get up.
Taking just a minute or two at the end of your day to make a game plan for the next day will provide you the needed structure to purposefully move. Taking just 5 minutes to plan can save you hours.
3. Focus on today, not tomorrow
During your day, don’t worry about anything else. Follow your plan. Live today to the fullest and be the person you intend to be. After your day is complete, take a minute or two to outline your next day. Be mindful of distractions such as social media.
4. Three month energy cycles
When it comes to your future, you can break it down by your future vision/goals and your actual goals (present game plan) over the next 90 days. Framing your goals in three month increments gives you a clear plan to move toward. Of course, these goals are based on your longer-term goals. However, your 3-month goal cycles are your main focus. Just like your weekly planning sessions, every three months spend some time reflecting on your previous three months. Make any adjustments you need and make better plans for the next three months.
5. Organize yourself
Organize yourself. Clean out the weeds. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. The very act of cultivating your garden will enliven you. Every day, week, and year, you can make your garden a little more beautiful and fruitful. Clean up your finances. Clean up how you use your time. Clean up your relationships. Cultivate. Just a little bit every day. Once you start to get things organized, your soil of your life will be better suited for what you plant in it.
6. Build momentum
Perfection is not the goal. However, consistently making forward moving choices is the only way to get momentum. And momentum is exactly what you need. Consistency can build confidence and momentum.
So as you can see, setting yourself up for living on purpose isn’t all that hard. It may be as simple as spending 2 minutes the night before writing a plan. It may also be spending 15 minutes the Sunday before making a plan.
Whatever it is, you have a reason to live your life to the fullest. You may not know exactly what that reason is, but you’ll find it once you get moving. More than likely, you’ll realize that everything in your life is actually far more beautiful that you could previously perceive.
From this level of joy and purpose, you’ll be empowered to consciously create a future you are worthy of.
As a Therapist and a Life/Career Coach I often talk about the importance of self-care. I notice in media that it can be characterized as an indulgence. This means both that the practice of self-care is something we are occasionally allowed to indulge in and that self-care should feel like an indulgence. Think expensive bath products, luxurious chocolates, spa appointments. We may be missing the mark for what is healthy for mind or body. There is nothing wrong with those things, however self-care is a bit more expansive.
Self-care as a concept also can be aimed at women (generally wealthy white women who can afford the goods and services that get marketed to them as self-care). Self-care is important for everyone, regardless of sex or economic status.
Self-care is not an indulgence, it’s an essential life requirement. It can take discipline, a deep and personal understanding of your priorities a commitment to self, and a respect for both yourself and the people you choose to spend your life with.
A few examples of self care for me:
Self-care isn’t super sexy! Which is why self-care is a discipline. It takes discipline to do the things that are good for us instead of what feels good in the moment. It takes even more discipline to refuse to take responsibility for other people’s emotional well-being. And it takes discipline to take full responsibility for our own well-being.
Self-care is also not something you do once in awhile when the world gets crazy. It’s what you do every day, every week, month in and month out. It’s taking care of yourself in a way that doesn’t require you to indulge in order to restore balance. It’s making the commitment to stay healthy and balanced as a regular practice.
Ironically when you truly care for yourself, you are actually in a much stronger place to give of yourself to those around you. You will be a happier parent, a more grateful spouse, a fully engaged colleague. Those who take care of themselves also have the energy to work with meaning and purpose toward a worthy goal. Which means they are also the people most likely to make the world a better place for all of us.
Fall and winter bring cooler, darker nights and mornings. Along with the temperature and light change, we are about to change the clocks again and cooler temps will arrive. Consider the physical, emotional, and relational ways you may be affected by this transition.
The impact of light and temperature on the human body is profound. We all need some level of light and warmth for our bodies to survive and thrive. Autumn, for some parts of the world, marks a change in both light and warmth as we approach colder and darker days.
Many people struggle with seasonal affective mood issues, commonly referred to as seasonal affective disorder (SAD)—a depression related to the change in seasons. For most, this begins in fall and continues through the winter months. It’s marked by moodiness, low energy, difficulty sleeping, a lack of interest in activities and relationships, feeling hopeless, and an overall sense of depression. Known more casually as “the winter blues,” SAD can have a significant impact on your mood and relationships. If you are more irritable, withdrawn, or moody during the winter months, the time to plan and prepare is now.
Our days have been getting shorter since June, but the hour change of sunlight makes it feel as though it happened in one night. Next thing we know, it’s dark after work!
Why do we get down in the winter? Less sunlight affects your circadian rhythm, the body’s internal clock that governs certain brain wave activity and hormone production. This shift can change mood-related chemicals in a way that can cause depression.
Here are a few tips to protect your mental health during the shorter days of fall and winter.
1. Get outdoors & absorb real sunlight
If you can manage to sneak away for even 10 or 15 minutes at lunchtime to get outside and soak in as many rays as possible, you’ll get a decent-enough sunshine fix. Or put on your coat and gloves and brave the cold during the weekend for a nice long walk at noon. I run all year round, even if I have to wear several layers! Getting outdoors in fresh air can feel good, even if only for short spurts.
2. Take a Vitamin D Supplement
Consider taking a vitamin D supplement during the winter months. Many diseases are correlated with low vitamin D levels, especially depression. Even if you’re not feeling low, I would have your levels checked, which your primary care physician can do. The National Institutes of Health's recommended dietary allowance for vitamin D is 600 IUs a day. But Mercola suggests that adults take as much as 5,000 IUs per day. Your doctor can help you determine the best amount of vitamin D to take, if you need it.
3. Get some exercise
Although we've known for decades that exercise can decrease depression symptoms, exercise can increase the levels of the neurotransmitters glutamate and GABA, both of which are depleted in the brains of people with depression and anxiety. If there were a drug that could do for human health everything that exercise can, it would likely be the most valuable pharmaceutical ever developed.
4. Consider using a light box
Light boxes are the typical light system used for SAD in clinical studies. They're flat screens that produce full-spectrum fluorescent light, usually at an intensity of 10,000 lux(lux is the measure of visible light). It’s important to position a light box according to the manufacturer’s instructions and use it at the same time each day, typically for 30 to 60 minutes. Most people get the best results when they use a light box before 10 a.m.
5. Connect with friends and loved ones
Winter can be a time of hibernation for many, especially with the cold and darkness. While rest and slowing down is important, be aware if you are feeling lonely and isolated which can lead to depression. Snuggling under the blankets with a cup of cocoa/tea/coffee is wonderful, so can connecting with your favorite people and having some laughs.
6. Engage in a few of your favorite hobbies or discover new ones
Most of my hobbies are outdoor adventure types, and luckily I live in a climate that I can get outdoors all year round. However, I am indoors more of the time in the winter to warm up. I may go to yoga, read books, spend time in warm coffee shops or write a little more. Sometimes I will take my dog to Lowe’s Home Improvement(it’s pet friendly) to walk around and do training when’s it’s freezing or raining!
7. Listen to music
In a 2016 study, researchers showed that listening to upbeat or cheery music significantly improved participant’s mood in both the short and long term. I must agree that music can be mood lifting, and so can dancing in the kitchen!
8. Essential Oils
I love the smell of good quality essential oils! Oils with citrus and orange can be uplifting when mood is feeling low and you need more energy. Our olfactory system is very powerful, I dab a few drops on my wrists and chest or use a diffuser.
With all this said, if you are struggling, reach out for support from a qualified, licensed therapist or see your doctor. Being able to to catch it in the beginning can be helpful with getting back on track to feeling like yourself again.
Life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go.
We are afraid to let go for different reasons and what we need to let go of can be different for all of us.
Maybe it is the ending of a relationship or perhaps a job or certain career path. Even though we know what we need to do, it doesn’t make it any less challenging. For some, maybe it’s things. For some who grew up in poverty and fear of lack can compel them to collect and hoard. Perhaps it is a certain mindset or belief system that we are holding onto and struggling to let go of.
Personally speaking, sometimes if I am afraid to let go it was because of not knowing of what’s next and having to trust that there is yet more goodness and beauty to come my way. But I know I must let go of what was to make space for what will be.
Sometimes what I’m really letting go of is the representation of a beautiful season of life. Perhaps a dream I had which can bring unexpected grief mixed with hope. Fear tells me it will never again be as sweet as this. Even though I know deep down that it will be sweet again. Though I have all the feels, I can let go of what was to make space for what will be.
I am learning to coexist with discomfort and take action anyway so I can do the work to which I am called in this new season. I challenge fear with truth and let go of who I was to make space for who I choose to be.
Each day I can remind myself to take a breath and trust the journey. Instead of stepping into each day with a rigid agenda, I show up with curiosity.
I can loosen my grip on what I think should be to make space for possibilities and joy.
Doing the work of discovering what it is that draws us to to hold on tight is the first step to letting go. It is in this messy, uncomfortable place that we begin to untangle the roots of fear and find our way to freedom.
It is here that I identify my own compelling reason to let go of what was to make space for what will be. The path to true growth is through.
We can craft a life that is rich with purpose. A life with room to breathe so that we are freed up to share our voice and gifts. This is the way to freedom. Once we’ve done the inner work, we let go of what was to make space for what will be.
Comparison is the thief of joy~ Theodore Roosevelt
The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. If you find that you are comparing yourself to others, you are not alone. Comparison to others can hinder our self-confidence and can impact the joy in our lives.
There is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.
As a business owner I’ve found myself comparing myself to others or looking outside of myself for inspiration to how to do it. Or I have questioned how I should be, do or not do. I finally had to stop. It was taking me further from who I truly am, who I want to be and the gifts I have to share with the world.
Here’s the thing, comparison is often unfair. We compare ourself to people’s greatest success or their “highlight real” on social media. You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts, successes, contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.
Comparison puts focus on others. You can change one life—yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other people’s lives rather than our own. We are looking externally for the answers instead of inside and finding our own.
So, what to do if you find yourself in the comparison cycle:
1) Get quiet and listen to your own inner guidance. It’s there ready to be heard. Allow yourself time everyday to get quiet, tune in without the distractions and listen. This could be meditation, spending time in nature, journaling, etc.
2) Unfollow the people/peers that you find yourself comparing to. Take a break and choose yourself. Take a pause from social media scrolling or focus on the things that light you up.
3) Remind yourself of your own successes. You have a unique perspective, unique experiences and gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your section of the world. Become aware of your successes and use this motivation to pursue more of what you want.
4) Compare with yourself. We can strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. Learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others.
5) Remind yourself nobody is perfect. While focusing on the negatives is rarely as helpful as focusing on the positives, there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome. And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to know it or not.
6) Find inspiration without comparison. Comparing our lives with others can bring us down, but finding inspiration and learning from others is entirely wise. Humbly ask questions of the people you admire or read biographies as inspiration. But if comparison is a consistent tendency in your life, notice which attitudes prompt positive change and which result in negative influence.
7) Pursue the greater things in life. Some of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden from sight: love, humility, empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely from society’s definition of success.
There is so much freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort. You get to determine what it means to be successful for you and chances are it will look different than someone else’s success.
Life and Leadership Coach, Licensed Counselor, outdoor enthusiast, yoga lover and passionate about wellness.