Vulnerability as a Strength

​Vulnerability is becoming a more socially acceptable concept. Some of the focus has been on letting go of perfectionism and embracing truth, cultivating deeper relational connections, as well as an increased value in taking courageous risks, in order to be more innovative, creative and accomplished. 

When was the last time you felt that your heart was going to jump out of your chest when you felt an emotion that you were scared to speak out loud? We can hide our fears and hope that everyone feels we have it all together.

I work with people on learning the truth behind what they really want to say, how they truly feel and what beliefs they cling to that hold them back. What are some of the fears that we hide? The lies that we tell? The secret truths hidden under them? How vulnerability can be your greatest strength. Here are a few that I hear frequently. Notice the whispering vulnerable belief behind the words being said.

• I’m afraid I won’t be able to deliver or do the job. But I won’t know unless I try. And I really think I can over deliver. I just don’t have a guarantee.
• I’m scared that once they really get to know me, they won’t like me. I'm terrified they won't like the real me.
• I’m scared to really let my personality shine through because it might be “too much” for some people. But I end up feeling small and voiceless and feeling like no one really, truly gets me. And I lose myself along the way.
• I don’t know if I am making the right choice. But, even if I am scared, I have to do something to move forward or I will stay stuck. And I don’t want to stay stuck.
• I give away way too much of my time. I’m afraid people won’t like me as much if I don’t or won’t hire me if they know what I charge, except I’m resentful of the time people take from me.
• If I don’t do it all, no one will pick up the slack and it won’t get done and people will be disappointed. But I hate doing it all and I know that if I didn’t, someone would step in. But I would feel less important.
• I don’t have time to move forward into the life I really want. I have the time, but I’m petrified to make a change because…what if it isn’t better?

What I have come to learn in my own journey and through my clients throughout the years is that control is a myth. And life is messy. 

What I see over and over again is that when you are really, truly, finally ready to lay the fears that restrain you out in the light of day to get a good look at them, they become so much smaller. The power they once had morphs into a mighty steam engine of motivation to push you forward. Those fears will start loosening their grip on you with each step you take forward.

How do they become your greatest strengths? Over time…

• You begin to practice better boundaries.
• You begin to be okay saying no when invitations don’t excite you.
• You react less and respond more.
• You laugh at the challenge instead of wither from it.
• You feel more brave and big and capable and less small.
• You ask for what you need without apology but with respect.
• You play more with what makes you happiest.
• Best of all, you prove those fears WRONG.

​The best part? You actually give others power to be who they are when you admit that you struggle. You remove the competition of being better, more put together, more in control, smarter, etc, etc, etc…Not only that, you learn a lot about the stories that you tell yourself and the ways you hold yourself back.  Self-sabotage at it’s best. Did I mention that your relationships with the people you love become stronger when you can be honest about your fears? But you have to be brave enough to be vulnerable. To look at the fear. To be who you really are. ​

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